uctp tribal member

Smile Carib

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see
that Indian?”
“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.
“Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction.”
Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says,
“about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”
“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!”
The Indian looks up and says, “Ran over me about a
half hour ago.”

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Smart Ass

This man from the country had lost his house and all his crops after a hurricane. He had nothing left but his donkey. After days of being miserable, and not being able to find a job, he took his donkey into the city and put up a sign that read “Betting $10.00 that this donkey could answer any question yuh ask.”

One man come up saying: “No way that ass could tell me how much numbers in a phone number?” The owner said “Tell him ass?” The donkey stomp on the ground seven times, the man paid and walked away shocked.

Ah next man come up and say “Tell me how much players make up a football side?” The donkey stomp the ground eleven times.” The man paid up. By now, news spread like wild fire and nuff people gather around to see this smart ass.

This woman come out of the crowd, walk up to the owner and said “You is ah fraud and ah bet $100.00 he cyan tell me meh age.” The donkey step back, leh go a loud fart and stomp he foot two times. The woman faint. After some smelling salts and water, she revive and point at de donkey and say, “He know ah was farty-two”.

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How can you tell the difference between a regular dog and a rez dog?
Stick them both in the oven at 350 degrees for half an hour.
The regular dog will come out moist and tender.
The rez dog will come out in a towel and say: “That was a good sweat!”

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Fry Bread

The old tribal chairman was on his death bed. He had only hours to live when he suddenly smelled the scent of fry-bread wafting into his room. Aaahhhh. . . He loved fry-bread more than anything else in the world.

With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself out of bed. . . Down the stairs and into the kitchen he went. There was his beloved wife, Lillian, kneading the dough for a new batch. As he reached for one of the fresh steaming fry-breads, he got smacked across the back of his hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding. ‘Leave them alone!’ she said. ‘They’re for the funeral ! ‘ ”

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There were three guys at a cafe, drinking their coffee – a white guy, a black guy, and an Aboriginal guy. They see a really attractive waitress and comment on her good looks. They make a bet on who can get her to go out with them first.

The waitress overhears them, so she goes up to them and says, “Hey, I heard you talking about me. Well, I like an intelligent guy, so let’s see who can make the best sentence using the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’.”

So the white guy goes, “That’s easy. I love liver and I hate cheese.” The waitress shakes her heard in disgust.

The black guy goes, “Well, I hate liver and I love cheese.”

The waitress is like, “That is so stupid. That’s essentially the same thing!”

Then the Aboriginal guy steps up and puts his arm around the waitress’ waist. “Liver alone, cheese mine!”

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Q: What do you call a Sioux guy out walking his dog?
A: Vegetarian

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Two Cheyenne guys on relocation spied a sign in a cafe window that said “hot-dogs”. Thinking they were some other kind of dogs, they ordered two to go, and went to a park to have lunch. The first Cheyenne guy looked inside his sack, and then threw it down in disgust.
“What part did you get?” asked his buddy.